Getting a wedding together in a day is a piece of, ahem, cake, if you do it guerrilla style. Rick A., our officiant, asked us how elaborate or simple we wanted it (short and simple but sweet), and his fiance, Steve(they're getting married in a few months), offered to organize the soiree. Song picked ("Do I Love You?" by Ella Fitzgerald), cuisine selected (Mexican; the food we really can't seem to get to our liking in Manhattan), we just needed to go shopping. Who says this takes months? Seriously.
First stop is the Los Angeles Flower District, the most wonderfully fragrant place downtown. In about 20 minutes we found great stuff. Here's our haul (above) which Steve is transforming into a wonderful centerpiece for tomorrow. Or so he promises. I should so do a reality show. "Your wedding, start-to-finish in 2 hours!" Trademark! Copyright! (Does that make it my idea?)
Next stop, Lark's Silver Lake Cake Shop (3337 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, 323.667.2968, tell them I sent you) has some seriously tasty stuff, and though we gave less than a day's notice, as soon as I said wedding the lovely staff told me they'd be happy to stay late that night to prepare a gorgeous coconut cream cheese cake. Wedding planner Steve (above) samples the goods, then slips silently into a sugar coma.
My partner, Rick Gonzalez, and I weren't really planning to get married--not right away, anyhow. We'd talked about it, and we had in the back of our minds the idea that there was going to be a California Supreme Court ruling coming down, but it didn't seem like the legal option would happen anytime soon. We are domestic partners in California (where we'd been together for almost 7 years), and planning to register in New York, where we've lived for about a year and a half now. Gay marriage was an inevitability, we felt, but we didn't know when. So we weren't holding our breath.
So... when Rick (pictured right, on the Staten Island Ferry last month) was planning a work trip to LA, I decided to tag along, work from the LA office (I'm the executive editor at The Advocate'ssister brother magazine Out), throw myself a little birthday party, and see some friends. Then that Supreme Court decision came down, and we decided to tie the knot while in LA. Rather last minute. Very us.
I was amazed at how easy the whole affair is. We went to the LA County Clerk's web site, filled out the form, stood in line at the West Hollywood City Hall for about 20 minutes, took an oath that we were who we claimed to be, paid the $70, and got a license good for 90 days. We didn't have to be California residents, and we knew that our marriage would be recognized in New York state. It's shockingly simple to get married, and the process underlined in bold strokes the enormous inequality to which we've been subjected for as long as governments have been handing out marriage licenses.
Our friends Richard Andreoli and Steve Thompson had offered to throw the birthday gathering, so I asked my Rick what he thought of having Richard (ordained to perform weddings through the Universal Life Church, by the power of Grayskull the Internet) to perform the wedding at my birthday party. A surprise wedding! We loved the idea, and we'll be getting legally bound this Saturday in Echo Park.
OMG. Do we tell people? Spring it on them at the party? The option was this or a $25 chapel wedding, so how much effort do we put into this? Our families don't have time to get on planes to attend. We haven't been planning this since we were 12 like some of our girl (and guy) friends. Basically, the decision all came down to two things: 1) I can't be sure that our friends would show up on time, and if the ceremony were a secret, plenty of them would miss the ceremony, having arrived on Gay Standard Time; and 2) I can't keep a secret. So we blurted out the news in the least intimate fashion, via evite.
As the day progressed in Indio, the bustle in the lobby took on a happy, tidal rhythm: As each fresh wave of applicants would flow in, nervous and excited, the bridal party of a newly married couple would re-enter from one of the improvised onsite chapels, suffused with emotion. Part of the fun was the clothes, of course. Women came in polo shirts and flowing dresses, with lipstick and without. Men wore ties and hearing aids – or wore their emotions on their T-shirts.
Thomas Van Etten
I was drawn to one elderly couple whose matching T’s proclaimed: “Our Love waited 40+ years for this day! 4/13/1968 – 6/17/2008.” Who were they? The Van Ettens, thank you very much. Thomas told me, “I changed my last name to Robert’s in 1975 to make a statement about same-sex marriage. So we’ve been fighting this fight for years.”
On cue, Robert picked up the story. “We went to an attorney and said, Is there anyplace in the world where we can get married? He said, You pay me and I’ll check it out. He checked all the countries he could find and came back and said basically no. He said, Why don’t one of you adopt the other? I said no, I won’t accept that because that’s hierarchical and our relationship is equal.” They figured the name change would be “a good start.”
Not only did they push for equality, they did it in the belly of Big Blue. “We worked for IBM for 30 years,” Thomas said. “We were very open about our sexuality, because we knew that if we were closeted, it would destroy us either physically or mentally.
“In 1975, we went all the way to the corporate office of IBM about discrimination in the workplace for gays and lesbians. We were in Milwaukee, a very conservative city. But as a result of that, the next year we were transferred, after both being promoted, to headquarters located in Atlanta as a gay couple. It was the first transfer in the history of the corporation treated the same as [that of] a married couple.”
Robert: “Then two years later we were transferred again as a gay couple to San Francisco. We kept working on this all our careers, and finally, in the late ’90s, IBM announced that they would do domestic partner equal benefits. So it was a long haul, and it cost us professionally, but it was well worth it. We’re very proud of the accomplishments that ended up by our work.”
Thomas, who worked in human resources, helped to keep the couple from foundering on hidden homophobia. “We knew that we had to be the best employees that we could be, because otherwise they could’ve terminated us for non-performance,” he said.
Robert rephrased more bluntly. “I think we pissed off a lot of people at IBM, but we were exceptional employees. For example, at one time during my career, I think IBM had a total worldwide employee count of 300,000, and at that time I was one of the top seven systems engineers in the United States. They couldn’t get rid of us. So that gave us the opportunity to fight for equal rights.”
Today, almost a decade after they helped to turn IBM into an LGBT friendly environment, the Van Ettens’ other impossible dream was coming true.
They showed me their rings, engraved with their names and the date when they met. And when their witnesses arrived, they invited me to the wedding. In truth, they were thrilled that The Advocate was also here to witness.
The ceremony was brief. Thomas teared up right away; even Robert, the blunt engineer, quavered a bit as he promised to love “as long we both shall live.”
With their rings exchanged, their marriage sealed with a kiss and a
crushing hug, Thomas turned to face us first. Wiping his eyes, he
cried, “I’m a mess!” (Anne Stockwell, The Advocate)
On a day like today, you'd have to forgive San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom for pausing to take in the moment. Newsom became an important ally of the gay marriage movement when he granted marriage licenses to same-sex couples back in February of 2004, and as he sits inside his second-floor office, the veranda doors open while onlookers cheer the newly-wedded couples outside, it's hard not to feel the emotional payoff wrought from that 2004 decision.
Still, Newsom insists he hasn't had a chance to join the crowd.
"I have to be careful, because there are friend and foe out there," he says. "So I have to be more cautious. I wish I could go out there with a ballcap and glasses." However, he did allow himself one private moment today: on the way to City Hall, he pulled his car over a half-block away just to take in the spectacle of couples preparing to marry.
"People say 'My life was changed four years ago,'" he says. "Today, we're reinforcing that." Newsom adds that the mood is very different now than it was in 2004. "Then, it felt like you were doing something that you shouldn't be doing -- but you knew it was right. This time, we have permission to do it."
After officiating at yesterday's wedding between longtime activists Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, Newsom has conducted several more today, including one for a couple where one of the women, suffering from breast cancer, had only weeks left to live. Another bride-to-be, an eight-grade teacher, used her summer break to get married, then was surprised when her students came to City Hall today to show their support.
"With this ring, I thee wed. It's amazing how profound those words are," says Newsom. "They change lives."
Maggie White of Oakland and her younger brother decided they wanted to do something for all the couples who are getting married, so they went to the store and bought three dozen white roses. They hand-wrapped them and came down to San Francisco City Hall. We found Maggie (with her father, John, above) handing the flowers out to newlywed couples as they came down the main stairway. They don't know anybody who is getting married today -- but they wanted to be a part of it. (Jon Barrett, The Advocate)
Douglas Bernard and William Doebler (above) have four anniversaries from which to choose when celebrating -- the day they met, the day they became domestic partners in California, the day they entered a civil union in Vermont, and now today's wedding in West Hollywood.
But all that practice hadn't prepared them for one little ceremony-stopping detail: "I had to take my ring off first," Doebler said, which the two men then did -- at least long enough to make one more round of vows. (Ross von Metzke, The Advocate)
Marriage-license appointments for June 17 (includes same-sex and opposite sex unions): 206
Total appointments for marriage licenses through Oct. 31: 930 (most are for gay and lesbian couples)
Daily average number of marriage licenses, 2000-May 2008: 97
And, though most cities saw far smaller numbers of protesters than happy couples, late this morning about 25 activists gathered at the San Diego County Administration building late Tuesday morning to bash the California Supreme Court judges who made same-sex marriage legal.
"We wish all the best to everyone here today, but the question on the table is one of basic democracy," said Brian Brown, executive director of the National Organization of Marriage. He spoke to a crowd that could barely hear him against the roar of downtown traffic and the comments from hecklers, and because there was no system set up to amplify the voices of speakers.
"This is not motivated out of animus or bigotry," Brown said, adding that "there's something special about the union of a husband and wife."
The speakers stood uncovered in 80-degree heat in front of the 1930s-era art-deco building's eastern façade, which is emblazoned with the words "Good government demands the intelligent interest of every citizen."
Cops looked on from under a shady tree as a woman in a car drove by and yelled something that sounded like "Idiot!"
A pair of men made mock Nazi salutes to one of the speakers, and one scoffed at the complaint that a single judge made the difference in the California Supreme Court's decision.
"One judge elected George W. Bush. Does that bother you?" he asked. "I don't think so."
Another man with two dogs stood behind the speakers at the press conference and declared, "I have a right to get married."
The opponents of same-sex marriage, who were racially mixed but mostly white, carried signs saying "God Loves You Not the Sin" and "We Are Praying to Protect Marriage."
One woman carried a sign with a scrawled drawing of a wedding ring, an equal sign and the symbols for man and woman. (Randy Dotinga, The Advocate)
The line to wed at the East Los Angeles County Courthouse isn't a long one, but it's a good-natured one. City Council member Eric Garcetti is officiating (as acting mayor, he's subbing for Antonio Villaraigosa while the latter is in Israel) and he's all too happy to marry Shane Goldsmith and Monica Granados, both 31. The two women work for Garcetti -- in fact, he performed a civil ceremony for them in 2006. "It was amazing, but we knew [then] that there was something missing," says Goldsmith. As brother Kelly Goldsmith looked on while his sister wed, he became choked up. "I'm actually at a loss for words," he said.
Karen Shun and Sami Reed had been together for over two years and were planning a domestic partnership ceremony when the court laid down its landmark ruling; now their September 20 ceremony will be a full-blown wedding. As they picked up their marriage license, Reed beamed at the piece of paper. "There's definitely something great about it," she said, her voice then halting as she brought up the same-sex marriage ban pending on the ballot this winter. "But there's a chance it could be taken away in November. Everybody needs to get out and vote."
Supervising clerk Lourdes Ninette Aguilar was expecting more of a crowd this morning -- in fact, she's begun calling other county courthouses, suggesting they send people over if their lines are too long. Aguilar started the momentous day with a computer crash, but when she was able to bring her system back online, she married two men, then two women. Despite the fact that she says she's just doing her job, Aguilar admits she felt something special with both couples. "I got really touched," she says. "I was really emotional with them."
Marilee France (left) and Wendy Averill of Marina Del Rey have been
together for 23 years, but the media spectacle around today's weddings
is a phenomenon they've experienced before -- back in 1975.
Averill, who like France is a retired schoolteacher from the
Pasadena Unified School District, was interviewed more than 30 years
ago by a TV crew about whether gays and lesbians would ever be allowed
to marry. "Probably not in my lifetime," she said then.
And now? The couple, who wed today in West Hollywood, are happy to
be proved wrong, but still don't have any elaborate honeymoon plans.
"We're going home to get our plumbing fixed," Averill said. (Ross von
Metzke, The Advocate)
Daniel Vaillancourt (l) and David Lee were first in line. Only later did they learn for sure that because they were married in Canada, they're not eligible to marry again in California. There's been confusion on that point, and the on-scene HRC rep placed a call to get a definitive answer.
Warren "Woody" Wood (l) and Doug Hairgrove, together 47 years, taught
in the same high school throughout their careers. "Everybody knew,"
said Hairgrove. "Nobody bothered us." Adds Wood: "I think it's because
they knew us as people first."
Did Doug and Woody believe this day would come? "Oh, yes!"
Marilyn Lang and Darlene Lindstrom speak to the media. Looking adoringly at Lindstrom, Lang recalls the moment that led them here: "She got down on her hands and knees and proposed." After getting their license, they were headed for a 10:30 date with the preacher at their church, Metropolitan Community Church of the Coachella Valley.
Riverside County's first walk-in couples: (l to r) Becky Bowles, Jeff McCloskey, Rhonda Mann, Brom Beckerman, Robin Rosenberg, and Rosie Fiorentino. The couples pulled up in a stretch limo.
David Fickenscher (l) gulps down tears as he weds Michael Healy. They've decided that their new last name together will be "Ryan." "It was my grandmother's maiden name, and we're very close," said David. "Besides, when you've been answering to the name 'Fickenscher' all your life, you don't mind changing."
Everybody cried, including the grooms, as these two distinguished guys exchanged vows. Ted Harwick (l), 85, and Ray Foster, 55, have been together 25 years. Ted told me that he was partnered for 38 years before this relationship; his partner died.
Ray's daughter and grandson showed up to celebrate. Now for lunch! (Anne Stockwell, The Advocate)
A comprehensive blog filled with personal stories, photographs, and up-to-the minute reports from the front lines of the fight for marriage equality from California and across the country.
Written by the editors of Advocate.com, Vowser provides readers with the insight and analysis readers can only get from the gay and lesbian website of record.
T-minus 24 Hours: Getting a wedding together in a day is a piece of, ahem, cake, if you do it guerrilla style. Rick A., our officiant, asked us how elaborate or simple we wanted it (short and simple but sweet), and his fiance,...
We didn't plan it this way: My partner, Rick Gonzalez, and I weren't really planning to get married--not right away, anyhow. We'd talked about it, and we had in the back of our minds the idea that there was going to be a California Supreme Court...
For the guys from Big Blue, the big day comes at last: As the day progressed in Indio, the bustle in the lobby took on a happy, tidal rhythm: As each fresh wave of applicants would flow in, nervous and excited, the bridal party of a newly married couple would re-enter from...
During a Historic Day, Mayor Newsom Reflects: On a day like today, you'd have to forgive San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom for pausing to take in the moment. Newsom became an important ally of the gay marriage movement when he granted marriage licenses to same-sex couples back...
Flower Girl: Maggie White of Oakland and her younger brother decided they wanted to do something for all the couples who are getting married, so they went to the store and bought three dozen white roses. They hand-wrapped them and came down...
Getting a wedding together in a day is a piece of, ahem, cake, if you do it guerrilla style. Rick A., our officiant, asked us how elaborate or simple we wanted it (short and simple but sweet), and his fiance, Steve(they're getting married in a few months), offered to organize the soiree. Song picked ("Do I Love You?" by Ella Fitzgerald), cuisine selected (Mexican; the food we really can't seem to get to our liking in Manhattan), we just needed to go shopping. Who says this takes months? Seriously.
First stop is the Los Angeles Flower District, the most wonderfully fragrant place downtown. In about 20 minutes we found great stuff. Here's our haul (above) which Steve is transforming into a wonderful centerpiece for tomorrow. Or so he promises. I should so do a reality show. "Your wedding, start-to-finish in 2 hours!" Trademark! Copyright! (Does that make it my idea?)
wedding the lovely staff told me they'd be happy to stay late that night to prepare a gorgeous coconut cream cheese cake. Wedding planner Steve (above) samples the goods, then slips silently into a sugar coma.
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