My partner, Rick Gonzalez, and I weren't really planning to get married--not right away, anyhow. We'd talked about it, and we had in the back of our minds the idea that there was going to be a California Supreme Court ruling coming down, but it didn't seem like the legal option would happen anytime soon. We are domestic partners in California (where we'd been together for almost 7 years), and planning to register in New York, where we've lived for about a year and a half now. Gay marriage was an inevitability, we felt, but we didn't know when. So we weren't holding our breath.
So... when Rick (pictured right, on the Staten Island Ferry last month) was planning a work trip to LA, I decided to tag along, work from the LA office (I'm the executive editor at The Advocate's sister brother magazine Out), throw myself a little birthday party, and see some friends. Then that Supreme Court decision came down, and we decided to tie the knot while in LA. Rather last minute. Very us.
I was amazed at how easy the whole affair is. We went to the LA County Clerk's web site, filled out the form, stood in line at the West Hollywood City Hall for about 20 minutes, took an oath that we were who we claimed to be, paid the $70, and got a license good for 90 days. We didn't have to be California residents, and we knew that our marriage would be recognized in New York state. It's shockingly simple to get married, and the process underlined in bold strokes the enormous inequality to which we've been subjected for as long as governments have been handing out marriage licenses.
Our friends Richard Andreoli and Steve Thompson had offered to throw the birthday gathering, so I asked my Rick what he thought of having Richard (ordained to perform weddings through the Universal Life Church, by the power of Grayskull the Internet) to perform the wedding at my birthday party. A surprise wedding! We loved the idea, and we'll be getting legally bound this Saturday in Echo Park.
OMG. Do we tell people? Spring it on them at the party? The option was this or a $25 chapel wedding, so how much effort do we put into this? Our families don't have time to get on planes to attend. We haven't been planning this since we were 12 like some of our girl (and guy) friends. Basically, the decision all came down to two things: 1) I can't be sure that our friends would show up on time, and if the ceremony were a secret, plenty of them would miss the ceremony, having arrived on Gay Standard Time; and 2) I can't keep a secret. So we blurted out the news in the least intimate fashion, via evite.
Next, on to the preparations!
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I could write a nearly identical story of the events leading up to the joyous wedding celebration my partner (now wife) and I enjoyed in California on June 29th. We had plans for the trip home for a visit but hadn't even imagined we'd be marrying until a couple of weeks before we left. How surreal is it to have a relationship without the construct of marriage, incorporate the new concept, choose the option and execute on the choice...all in about 3 weeks?? We, too, were amazed at how easy it all was. Since we were coming from out of state (FL), we did not invite a lot of people as we only had 1 day to secure the license, and we imagined the worst. The process took 5 minutes!
The other notable aspect for me was the fact that, aside from our excellent reverend at the Metropolitan Community Church, we were the only gay people at our wedding and yet there was not a dry eye in the house. People recognize love and they don't have to be gay to understand and feel the pain of the discrimination we've endured for so long. Good thing too because without their votes we don't stand a chance.
Posted by: Carol | August 08, 2008 at 05:29 PM
I could write a nearly identical story of the events leading up to the joyous wedding celebration my partner (now wife) and I enjoyed in California on June 29th. We had plans for the trip home for a visit but hadn't even imagined we'd be marrying until a couple of weeks before we left. How surreal is it to have a relationship without the construct of marriage, incorporate the new concept, choose the option and execute on the choice...all in about 3 weeks?? We, too, were amazed at how easy it all was. Since we were coming from out of state (FL), we did not invite a lot of people as we only had 1 day to secure the license, and we imagined the worst. The process took 5 minutes!
The other notable aspect for me was the fact that, aside from our excellent reverend at the Metropolitan Community Church, we were the only gay people at our wedding and yet there was not a dry eye in the house. People recognize love and they don't have to be gay to understand and feel the pain of the discrimination we've endured for so long. Good thing too because without their votes we don't stand a chance.
Posted by: Carol | August 08, 2008 at 05:29 PM