T-minus 24 Hours

Getting a wedding together in a day is a piece of, ahem, cake, if you do it guerrilla style. Rick A., our officiant, asked us how elaborate or simple we wanted it (short and simple but sweet), and his fiance, Steve(they're getting married in a few months), offered to organize the soiree. Song picked ("Do I Love You?" by Ella Fitzgerald), cuisine selected (Mexican; the food we really can't seem to get to our liking in Manhattan), we just needed to go shopping. Who says this takes months? Seriously.

First stop is the Los Angeles Flower District, the most wonderfully fragrant place downtown. In about 20 minutes we found great stuff. Here's our haul (above) which Steve is transforming into a wonderful centerpiece for tomorrow. Or so he promises. I should so do a reality show. "Your wedding, start-to-finish in 2 hours!" Trademark! Copyright! (Does that make it my idea?)

Next stop, Lark's Silver Lake Cake Shop (3337 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, 323.667.2968, tell them I sent you) has some seriously tasty stuff, and though we gave less than a day's notice, as soon as I said wedding the lovely staff told me they'd be happy to stay late that night to prepare a gorgeous coconut cream cheese cake. Wedding planner Steve (above) samples the goods, then slips silently into a sugar coma.

Next: Food and booze. I already need a cocktail.

We didn't plan it this way

My partner, Rick Gonzalez, and I weren't really planning to get married--not right away, anyhow. We'd talked about it, and we had in the back of our minds the idea that there was going to be a California Supreme Court ruling coming down, but it didn't seem like the legal option would happen anytime soon. We are domestic partners in California (where we'd been together for almost 7 years), and planning to register in New York, where we've lived for about a year and a half now. Gay marriage was an inevitability, we felt, but we didn't know when. So we weren't holding our breath.

So... when Rick (pictured right, on the Staten Island Ferry last month) was planning a work trip to LA, I decided to tag along, work from the LA office (I'm the executive editor at The Advocate's sister brother magazine Out), throw myself a little birthday party, and see some friends. Then that Supreme Court decision came down, and we decided to tie the knot while in LA. Rather last minute. Very us. 

I was amazed at how easy the whole affair is. We went to the LA County Clerk's web site, filled out the form, stood in line at the West Hollywood City Hall for about 20 minutes, took an oath that we were who we claimed to be, paid the $70, and got a license good for 90 days. We didn't have to be California residents, and we knew that our marriage would be recognized in New York state. It's shockingly simple to get married, and the process underlined in bold strokes the enormous inequality to which we've been subjected for as long as governments have been handing out marriage licenses.

Our friends Richard Andreoli and Steve Thompson had offered to throw the birthday gathering, so I asked my Rick what he thought of having Richard (ordained to perform weddings through the Universal Life Church, by the power of Grayskull the Internet) to perform the wedding at my birthday party. A surprise wedding! We loved the idea, and we'll be getting legally bound this Saturday in Echo Park.

OMG. Do we tell people? Spring it on them at the party? The option was this or a $25 chapel wedding, so how much effort do we put into this? Our families don't have time to get on planes to attend. We haven't been planning this since we were 12 like some of our girl (and guy) friends. Basically, the decision all came down to two things: 1) I can't be sure that our friends would show up on time, and if the ceremony were a secret, plenty of them would miss the ceremony, having arrived on Gay Standard Time; and 2) I can't keep a secret. So we blurted out the news in the least intimate fashion, via evite.

Next, on to the preparations!      

Let the Marriages Begin!

Gay and lesbian couples throughout California head to the altar as the state adopts marriage equality today

At 5 p.m. Monday when California’s supreme court ruling went into effect, the words “Party A” and “Party B” replaced “bride” and “groom” on marriage licenses, and wedding bells began ringing for same-sex couples throughout California. And at 5:01, Shelly Bailes, 67, and Ellen Pontac, 66, became the first same-sex couple to say “I do” in Yolo County.

First Marriage Minutes

San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom was the first to question whether it might be possible to start marrying couples at the close of Monday’s workday rather than waiting until the morning of June 17. And when the state gave counties the go-ahead, Yolo County clerk-recorder Freddie Oakley was the first clerk outside San Francisco to jump on the idea. “I thought, why should these couples have to wait any longer,” she says. “If they want to get hitched, let’s hitch ’em up.”

Sonoma County clerk-recorder-assessor Janice Atkinson was inspired to move forward after she got a call from a couple who told her that June 16 was their 15-year anniversary. “I felt like if it’s legal and we can start,” she says, “then the question wasn’t why would I but why wouldn’t I.” Atkinson married that couple, Chris Lechman and Mark Gren, at 5:01 Monday. “She was so gracious and so wonderful,” says Lechman. “So I told her I’d love for you to do our ceremony and make history with us.”

Mark, left, and Chris being married

Late last week, Alameda County clerk-recorder Patrick O’Connell announced that his office would allow same-sex couples to start marrying June 16 at 6 p.m. To mark the momentous event, the first ceremonies were officiated by Oakland mayor Ronald Dellums at Oakland City Hall with congresswoman Barbara Lee and other elected officials serving as witnesses.

And on June 12, Acting Registrar-Recorder-Clerk Dean Logan announced that Los Angeles would issue the first same-sex marriage license to Robin Tyler and Diane Olson. The couple were plaintiffs in a 2004 lawsuit that was consolidated with the San Francisco lawsuit that led to the state supreme court ruling. The couple, who have been together for 15 years, were married by a rabbi in front of the Beverly Hills courthouse at 5:01 p.m. Logan issued the early license to Tyler, a longtime gay activist, and her partner, who is the granddaughter of a former California governor, “in recognition of their unique role in the court’s decision.”

The largest media event was in San Francisco, where Mayor Gavin Newsom officiated at the marriage ceremony of Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin in his office at 5:01. The two women, who are both in their 80s and who have been together for 55 years, are widely recognized as the founding mothers of the lesbian rights movement. They were the first couple to be married in San Francisco when Mayor Newsom decided to challenge the state’s law. That ceremony was a private event that was then announced to the world. This time, they had their family members and friends there to celebrate with them.

Today's Marriage Rush

Elsewhere on Monday night, thousands of couples, along with their florists, bakers, tailors, and wedding organizers, were writing vows, hemming dresses and suit jackets, and putting the final flourishes on wedding cakes and floral arrangements in preparation for today’s marriage rush.

As they got ready for what is expected to be California’s highest-ever volume wedding day and week, a number of the state’s 58 county clerks announced extended hours. Some also plan to have extra staff and volunteers on hand. Some counties, like San Diego and Orange County, are taking reservations for marriage licenses and marriage ceremonies. Others, like Los Angeles, will operate on a first come-first served basis.

In San Diego County, 177 couples had booked appointments. The clerk’s office isn’t sure how many are for same-sex couples. However, according to assistant director Sandra Banaga, a typical June day might have 70 ceremonies and the number of appointments already surpasses their highest ever Valentine’s Day of 151 marriages.

To keep up with the demand, San Diego extended its hours for Tuesday. Tom Felkner and Bob Lehman garnered the first time slot -- 7:00 a.m.

The couple, who celebrated their 15th anniversary on May 18, had never considered marrying anywhere other than San Diego. “We’ve always felt that we deserved the right to get married in our hometown,” says Felkner. “We weren’t going to settle for anything else than the same equal rights as our neighbors, so we’ve been holding out for this day.” Lehman is a former marine, and the couple asked Tom’s brother, a Marine Corps retiree, to officiate. “It’s our version of a military wedding.”

Family members and close friends will attend the ceremony, and the two men will each read vows they wrote. But tonight the couple will host a very large reception. “We are opening it up and playing host to any other couples who are getting married,” says Lehman. “We wanted this to be a community celebration.” In lieu of gifts, the couple are asking for donations to Equality for All’s “Vow to Vote No” campaign to fight the November ballot initiative that, if it passes, would bring the wedding rush to an abrupt halt. “We’ve been together for so long,” says Lehman, “and it means more to us to have people” help us fight marriage equality.

In Contra Costa County, Stephen L. Weir knew that he and his partner, John Hemm, would be the first to marry this morning. That’s because Weir is the county clerk-recorder. “I’m first in line,” he jokes, “because I have the key.” He and his partner married at 8:30 a.m. Weir, a Scotsman, wore the family kilt; Hemm donned a tuxedo. His staff celebrated his wedding and then got back to work, as they had 14 more same-sex couples to marry today.

Weir and Hemm, who recently celebrated their 18th anniversary, started acquiring a hope chest. “We have the rings and the china,” says Weir. “We’ve had the dude figurines for the cake for 10 years.” Now they’ve finally got the wedding date. “I had doubts this would ever happen in my work life, or in my life at all,” says Weir, who is 59. “So this is personally very exciting.”

Projections and Protests

The marriages that take place in California are expected to result in tens of thousands of glowing brides and grooms. They will also be a gold rush of sorts for the ailing California economy. Using U.S. Census Bureau data, and drawing on past experience in other states, the University of California, Los Angeles, Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy predicts that about 51,319 same-sex couples living in California will marry over the next thee years and that they will be joined by 67,513 couples from other states. And these weddings, the institute reports, will boost the economy of the state by over $683 million over the next three years and bring in about $63.8 million in local and state taxes.

Media throughout the state have reported that along with many county clerks' offices, hotels, wedding planners, florists, caterers, and others are already seeing an uptick in business and looking at ways to capture this new market. Meanwhile, Evans Hotels, which owns the five-diamond Lodge at Torrey Pines as well as two other hotels and resort boats in San Diego, has announced it will donate 5% of the proceeds it receives from same-sex couples to an organization fighting the ballot initiative.

County officials are also preparing for antigay individuals and groups who are expected to protest same-sex weddings. Ronald Brocke, who drove his anti-same-sex marriage “Marriage Mobile” around the San Francisco Civic Center as the state supreme court heard the marriage equality case, told the Marin Independent Journal that he intended to embark on a 15-county tour of county clerks' offices to protest same-sex marriage.

Meanwhile, omnipresent antigay protester Fred Phelps, who heads the Westboro Baptist Church, protested Monday night at San Francisco City Hall. On Tuesday, Phelps's group will protest at Weir’s office in Martinez in the morning and then again at San Francisco’s City Hall.

The clerks in Butte and Kern counties both made headlines nationwide when they announced they would stop performing all marriages today rather than start marrying same-sex couples. Both clerks said their decision was due to budgetary reasons. As required by law, both counties will continue to issue marriage licenses. (Conducting ceremonies has always been optional.) But they might not have that many takers. Butte County couple Linda and Vickie Mandy-Heath will be getting married on July 5. But they are going to go to a different county to get their license. “Why should we support a county that won’t support us?” says Linda. “I’d rather give another county my money.”

Love Hits the Road

Bailes and Pontac, who have been together for 34 years, were the first of seven couples to marry in Yolo County on Monday night. The couple went to Vermont in 2000 when that state approved civil unions and made a commitment to one another there on July 14. In 2002 they become domestic partners in San Francisco, and in 2004 they were back in the city as the 45th couple to get married on February 12. But none of those ceremonies, they say, was as fun and as exciting as this one was. “For years, we’ve walked by the beautiful wedding room at the county recorder’s office and would look in,” says Bailes. “To know that we can marry there is wonderful.”

On June 21 the couple will have a wedding reception. And everyone in Davis is welcome. “The building holds close to 400 people, and we are hoping to fill it,” says Pontac. The couple will have several wedding cakes. But they don’t want gifts. Instead, they will ask friends and family members to celebrate their wedding by donating to their nonprofit organization For Gay Equality. That will allow them to spend the summer and fall going around the state talking to other seniors about the ballot initiative and marriage equality. “We think that if we can speak to other seniors one-on-one they won’t vote against us,” says Bailes, adding that she and Pontac want them to understand “that we are just as happy as everyone else and that our love is just the same.” (Sue Rochman, The Advocate)

Going to the Chapel--Again

Meet four same-sex couples who took the plunge in San Francisco in 2004 and learn why they can't wait to walk down the aisle one more time.

By Regina Marler

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An Advocate.com exclusive originally posted June 5, 2008

The rapturous crowd that swarmed San Francisco City Hall in February 2004 -- only to have their same-sex unions annulled four months later -- may turn out to be the most married group in America. Many had already had private marriages or commitment ceremonies before the blitz on City Hall and now plan to marry again now that the California supreme court has overturned the state’s ban on same-sex marriages.

“I’ll get married in every state if I have to,” says performer Heather Gold. As a Canadian, Heather was able to marry her partner in Canada last December. When the California supreme court ruling came down, “my first call was to Stacey,” she says. “My second was to the caterer.”

Writer Jewelle Gomez, who was turned away -- license in hand -- when the marriages were halted in 2004, remembers the excitement of that time. “I walked up and down the line outside City Hall,” she says. “I hugged people I knew. I hugged people I didn’t know.”

The Advocate found that thrill has been renewed by the court’s May decision. Here are four couples -- married four years ago -- who now plan to retie the knot.

Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon

 

Lesbian icons Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon have been together 55 years. Their lifelong political activism made them a perfect choice to lead the charge in 2004. Kate Kendell, head of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, invited them to City Hall. “They made it easy on us,” Phyllis recalls. “They came to pick us up.” She and Del were the first same-sex couple to be married in San Francisco. “They kept it pretty secret because they didn’t want their enemies to rush to court,” she says. “The next day there were a lot of people there.”

Phyllis believes that gays and lesbians have a better chance of defeating an anti–gay marriage ballot initiative in California this November than they did in 2000. “In the eight years since that vote, a lot of young people have grown up and are voting, and gay marriage is not a big problem for them,” she says. “Also, more adults have met gay and lesbian people and they know more about us. So I think we have a good chance. We have to work hard. It is our right to marry.”

Stuart Gaffney and John Lewis

 

John Lewis regards marriage for LGBTI people as “a fundamental matter of dignity and respect.” He was at the rally at City Hall when word broke out that gay marriages were being conducted inside. He scrambled to call Stuart, who rushed to join him. As a Chinese-American, Stuart reflects that his parents “could only marry because this same supreme court overturned the ban against interracial marriage 60 years ago in the Perez decision -- a critical cornerstone of last week’s decision.”

John, a lawyer, and Stuart, a project director for University of California, San Francisco’s Center for AIDS Prevention Studies, have been together 21 years and will marry again “just as soon as we can,” says Stuart. “We look forward to continuing to enjoy the most loving, romantic relationship.”

Tee Minot and Lynn Dulce

Tee Minot, owner of Christopher’s Books in San Francisco, woke up at 3 in the morning to get in line “with the diehards” for her marriage license. The night before, she and her partner, Lynn Dulce, a clinical professor of nursing at UCSF, had -- like hundreds of other couples -- been turned away from City Hall at closing time. It would turn out to be the last day of the marriages. “We barely made it. I don’t even remember who married us. We just realized we had to be part of it, to take part in this historic moment,” says Tee. “We did it for ourselves, but we also did it for our son, Nicholas.” The women have been together 11 years and now have a second son. This time around their wedding will be “more of a celebration.”

Dave and Jeff Chandler 

In February 2004, Dave and Jeff Chandler were hosting a family gathering when their friend Kate Kendell leaned over and said, “I think something’s going down this week. Keep your heads up.” “By the next day we knew about the gay marriages and that we had to be a part of it,” says Dave. They were among the first 10 couples to be married at City Hall. “We had a church ceremony in 1995. We felt married in God’s eyes,” he says. “It just took the city of San Francisco a little longer to recognize it.” Dave felt “unbridled joy” at the court’s ruling. The men now have two sons and have been together 15 years. They’re planning a simple ceremony for their next marriage, with more family involved. “Some of our family members who weren’t in the right ‘place’ to join us in 1995 are ready now,” Dave says.

Why marry? “Protection. Legitimacy. Comfort. I could go on for 20 minutes, but it all boils down to that.”

Marler is a frequent contributor to The Advocate.